i’ve been watching 1 or 2 Christmas movies every single day since thanksgiving. abi and i had the apartment decorated before then. we’ve also listened exclusively to Christmas music from dawn to dusk this entire time. ho ho ho, here is a holiday movie rundown (thanks netflix):
JACK FROST (the one starring Michael Keaton, not the B movie about the mutant killer snowman, though that one is also good.) I’m not sure what Patrick’s problem was, Jack Frost is a good time. He even makes it to a hockey game without arousing suspicion.
THE FAMILY STONE A bit dark, a bit funny, a bit odd. the whole “ultra modern politically correct” family thing is fine, but a bit puffed up. nonetheless, it’s a good time. i like Claire Danes.
BAD SANTA Never have i seen a more perverse, dark, black comedy of a Christmas movie. so unusual it was morbidly fascinating, but i wouldn’t recommend it. RIP John Ritter.
LOVE ACTUALLY I remember hating this the first time i watched it, but maybe i was being a grinch. it was good this year.
FRED CLAUSE This is a weird movie: it begins with the actual birth of saint Nicholas in ancient Turkey but has Santa Clause (and his brother Fred) in the North Pole toy workshop by act two. i like it.
CHRISTMAS WITH THE KRANKS Why does Norah Crank have such a creepy attachment to her daughter Blair? Why didn’t they go on the cruise? Why did everyone in G-crib hate this movie so much?
NATIONAL LAMPOON’S CHRISTMAS VACATION Where did Eddie come from?
DECK THE HALLS It’s nice to know that after Ferris Bueler beat Godzilla he became king of small-town Christmas… I guess.
HOME ALONE 1 & 2 No, i didn’t forget 3 and 4.
JINGLE ALL THE WAY the little kid has a mural of Captain America on his wall. that’s pretty cool. Cap would grease Turbo Man.
ELF normally i can’t get through a movie that has either Will Ferrell or Zoey Deschanel in it but i actually like Elf a lot. must be Jon Favreau.
‘TWAS THE NIGHT Did you know that a rude letter from a mouse could keep Santa from visiting your entire town? it’s true. mice know too much for their own good.
SURVIVING CHRISTMAS This is another weird one, but i enjoyed it. Ben Affleck lost his mind for a while i guess.
THE SANTA CLAUSE 1, 2… AND 3 Yes, i included part 3. i have enough Christmas spirit for it.
GREMLINS Gremlins is a fantastic movie… what the heck is it? family? black comedy? horror? holiday? all of the above.
WILL VINTON’S CLAYMATION CHRISTMAS a wonderful staple since childhood. herb is a glutton.
IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE don’t listen to anyone. the final 10 or so minutes of the movie are the only Christmasy thing about the whole package. what the heck was George talking about with all that “you’ll eat the moon and moonbeams will shoot out of your toes” talk? was he high? movies didn’t get good until around 1968.
A CHRISTMAS STORY what parent washes a kid’s mouth out by having them sit with a bar of soap dangling from their jaws? that’s not that bad.
FOUR CHRISTMASES Vince Vaughn is funny. jump-jumps are a good time.
MIRACLE ON 34TH STREET (1994 version) i tear up when Santa talks to the deaf girl.
THE CHRISTMAS TOY Tell me if this 1986 Jim Henson special sounds familiar: a group of toys who come to life when their child owner isn’t looking are led by the kid’s favorite toy until Christmas happens and a new space toy comes along that believes it has landed on an alien planet because it doesn’t realize that its a toy. now the favorite toy is feeling pushed aside by the fancy new space toy that thinks its real. Toy Story was released almost a decade later.
THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS watch it on Christmas, not halloween.
THE MUPPET CHRISTMAS CAROL first post Jim Henson muppet movie and one of the greatest Christmas movies ever made, i think he’d be proud.
A CHRISTMAS CAROL (2009 version) motion capture is neat-o, Jim Carrey is great.
SCROOGED when i was a kid few things terrified me more than what was under The Ghost of Christmas Past’s robe.
ERNEST SAVES CHRISTMAS here.
THE SNOWMAN wordless animated adventure of a snowman that flies a kid to the north pole. how does one build a snowman with legs?
A WISH FOR WINGS THAT WORK i sincerely wish this was not the only time Bloom County made it to the screen.
THE POLAR EXPRESS hot chocolate is required during viewing of this feature.
THE NATIVITY STORY of course the list ends here, but not out of obligation.